Wednesday, July 01, 2009


Never one to let a good gag go to waste, much less a dozen or so mediocre ones, I am herewith re-posting the #truecanadafacts I composed on Twitter this afternoon (in honor of Canada Day), interspersed with a couple of old gags on the subject from an article I wrote a long time ago. And later, I'm going to use them as inter-set filler on my radio show! So they're disposable and recyclable! If they were only funny, it'd be perfect!

  • Canadian interrogators have been suspected of subjecting enemy combatants to the horrors of snowboarding.

  • Recently released census data confirms that Canadians are the nationality most likely to use the expression "oh, geez."

  • Canadian pornography is widely recognized as the most apologetic in the Northern Hemisphere.

  • Toronto's CN Tower is the third-largest man-made structure in the world no one gives a shit about.

  • Despite its name, "Canadian bacon" is actually a mineral.

  • Canada has been available in color since 1971.

  • Though popularly known as "Prime Minister," the official title of Canada's govermental leader is "Mr. Dressup."

  • Chief exports: paper, rebar, mild embarrassment, resignation, Loverboy.

  • The province of Alberta mysteriously disappeared in 1987, though no one noticed until this past March.

  • Canada has more "Gordon"s per capita than any country in the industrialized world.

  • To confuse and bewilder interlopers, many "Canadians" have been known to lapse without warning into a bizarre and incomprehensible patois known in some circles as "French."

  • The official facial expression of Canada is the bemused smirk.

  • Effective January 1, 2012, the Canadian national anthem will revert from "O Canada" to "something by April Wine."

  • Their inhabitants emit a noxious liquid when threatened (Winnipeg only).

  • Even they don't understand curling.

1 comment:

Michael said...

Hilarious. I'm sorry.