Thursday, October 28, 2004


(content guaranteed 100% real)

people of this world

dont u hate it wen plp write all over ur pictures and they make funny signs and weird signs u dont undrstand which makes u more confussed then u dont know why they are doing it and u tell them 2 stop but they dont, and u dont know why eni one would deface ur own drawings like that and then u wonder why u drew them in the 1st place and then u start to think well if they are drawing on them they cant be that good eniway so why does it matter, it just gets worse and you hav all this going on in your mind and then u hear th voise of the steak role man and ur mind suddenly stops ubruptivly and u wait then u turn and head out that way2wards the steak role man. 4the rest of your life you never remember the 7 minutes you took contemplating all of this and how much of a complete and utter waist of time, energy and probably sum space?( i dont know maybe u got in sum1s way) thats just how we are, i mean really what can we really do in 7minutes? we could wash the dishes, phone someone, polish our shoes, take a shower, pump up your bicycle ties, i dont know but half those things are boring and dont really matter. Or in that space of 420 seconds we could have told about 3 plp or more about the name of Jesus Christ, briefly but o it matters it really dus. those small things Do count so we should get our act together and sort it out!

Wednesday, October 27, 2004


I just realized something.

The Boston Red Sox last made it to the World Series in 1986.

I moved to Massachusetts in the summer of 1987.

I fled Massachusetts for the West Coast six weeks ago.

To Red Sox fans everywhere, therefore:

You're welcome.

(I promise to stay out of the Commonwealth at least until after the election.)


(content guaranteed 100% real)

todae less0ns quitee short bahh ?
yahh . coshh g0t fire drill .
who0pie . sho fun de okie .
i was with liJian at the front gate dere .
then we were supp0sed to erm .
prevent any parents or reporters
into the sch0ol . uh huh `
then got this set of parents lahh
pretend to have children injured .
then tried to barge in okie .
wahh . me liJian felt the weight of them .
they kept pushing the gate lehh .
sh0 farnie . they made a big scene .
then neighbours were lo0king .
c0uldnt help laughing like crazy .
even the parents were laughing
when tobias wasnt dere lahh . grinns`

the sec 4s sh0 farnie lehh .
kept wanting to c0me into the sch
to sturdie lahh of coshh .
but can0t mahh . winkks`
sho they stayed outside with us
then zehou go0d soul gave me choc
whole bar lehh . smiles` thanks arh .
marcus t0o . gave me sweet . yahh .
but me and liJian enjoyed ourelf lahh .
can l0ck people outside . prisoners .
evil ehh . grinns` ow kept scolding them .
ask them go somewhere else first .
but when they came backk arh
haven finish the drill yet . wahh .
then they complain sh0 muchh .

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Sad news: John Peel is dead. Stream BBC radio's tribute here and download his favorite song of all time here (October 26 entry) (and bookmark the page while you're at it). No moment of silence, please - a minute of Extreme Noise Terror would be more appropriate, which averages out to about five songs.

Good news: My book is out! (Well, mine and about seventy-five other people.) It's supposed to be, anyway. I think it is. Maybe. Yeah.

Monday, October 25, 2004


November 20, 1976 - Paul Simon catches a glimpse of his bald spot on a studio monitor and abruptly aborts "Still Crazy After All These Years," going on a violent rampage with his acoustic guitar and a sharpened tuning fork, mortally wounding two stagehands and severely impairing Chevy Chase's ability to make people laugh. Livid, producer Lorne Michaels punishes Simon by banning him from performing on the show for six days.

October 20, 1979 - Bob Dylan surprises fans by converting to Islam, then Hinduism, then Zoroastranism, then briefly becoming a Druid before re-converting back to Christianity during his performance of "Gotta Serve Somebody." He's said to have changed the lyrics as he went to reflect each conversion, but no one's quite sure.

December 7, 1985 - An uproar arises when it's discovered that Mr. Mister does not actually perform, NBC having outsourced their slot to a less-expensive group of migrant musicians, Señor Señor. Reps for SNL promise that the real band would perform the following week.

December 14, 1985 - An uproar arises when it's discovered that Mr. Mister actually performs.

May 13, 1989 - Fine Young Cannibals eat three babies during the bridge of "She Drives Me Crazy." Attentive viewers will notice a marked change in tempo.

February 18, 1995 - Hootie blows a fish.

November 8, 2003 - Sinead O'Connor climaxes her powerful a capella rendition of the Coasters' "Get a Job" by dramatically ripping up pictures of Pope Innocent VII, Alexander Pope, Ron Popeil and Po from Teletubbies. Despite the provocation, the incident results in no calls or letters of complaint, mostly because the Saturday Night Live she's performing on is taking place in her attic for an estimated worldwide audience of her three cats. Cast members Gail Matthius, Tim Kazurinsky, Rich & Anthony Michael Hall, Morwenna Banks, Dean Edwards and Beth Cahill resign in protest. Joe Piscopo offers to stay.

Monday, October 18, 2004

The past couple years have been quite astounding, never-thought-I'd-see-the-day times for the music geek. Mission of Burma reforms. Brian Wilson finishes Smile. The return of Slint. But this, my friends, takes the cake, the frosting and the stand it's sitting on. The über-indie Loch Ness Monster has apparently been sighted, in Scotland, and there's even photographic evidence.

I give you...



(That's him on the right. And, just in case you aren't so snivelingly hip that you're given to arguments with record-store clerks along the lines of "Dude totally sold out after Telegraph Melts, man!," this page should give you some indication why approximately eight people worldwide are so shocked and amazed right now.)

Tomorrow: XTC tour dates and my review of the new My Bloody Valentine album, featuring Syd Barrett on guest vocals (first 1000 copies come with a handwritten letter of apology from Mike Love for being such a schmuck for the last forty years).