"Randomly Handing Out Statuettes Since 1997."
572. Farley Juxt, Jr., The Gene Rayburn Story, Part 3: Young, Gifted and _______
573. Paul Dvorak, Jim Nabors - He's Dead, Right?
574. Nick Harcourt, New Mexico is Now! - The Taos Free Jazz Scene
575. Dicks Mole, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Etc.: An Inquiry into Values As Seen Through the Ears of a Modern American Genius "Rock Critic" Reflecting on His Times As Only He Can
576. Bat Narwhal, ed., How to Tackle the TV Guide Crossword Puzzle in Under Six Days!
577. Damon Errantstain, Heterosexuals in Hollywood: I Found One!
588. Pete Maws, Sherman, Goldsboro, Gentry: The Great Bobbies of Early 70s Rock
589. Georgio Pillock, The Ventures: The Annotated Lyrics
590. Moloch O'Herlihy, The Complete Guide to Pro-Life Death Metal
591. Gabriel Melgar, Jr., I'm With the Parking Attendant: True Stories of Clueless Groupiedom
592. Anne Hedonya, Helvetica: Font of the Damned
593. Jojo Krumbumb, Here's Your Friggin' Book, Mr. Publisher. Happy Now?
What is the Maxwell H. Zendorkingham Award?
The Maxwell H. Zendorkingham Award was established in 1995 by Maxwell H. Zendorkingham, a philanthropist and Swiss cheese plugger in order to pay tribute to the hard-working men and women around the world who harvest parsley to garnish the dishes of restaurant patrons worldwide. Unfortunately, due to a clerical error (carried out by a clumsy priest who dabbled in inventory management), the expected shipment of 30 award statuettes accidentally turned out to be 30,000. Happily, owing to his generosity of spirit and The Award Hut's iron-clad "No Returns" policy, Zendorkingham decided to expand the award to honor notables in many different walks of life.
Excellence in Millipede Neutering, Aptitude in Skipping Yet Somehow Not Coming Off Gay, Best Individuals Named Doug Shaftesbury in or Around Fort Wayne, Indiana, Most Cheerful Rental Car Agent, Basic Competency in the Field of Music and/or Media Journalism (Book Division), Least Whiny Female Yodeler, Individual Most Inured to Being "The Ugly One" in a Boy Band, Outstanding Achievement in Gyno-Ventriloquism, and Basic Competency in the Field of Music and/or Media Journalism (Handbill/Post-It Note Division).
How does one qualify for a Maxwell H. Zendorkingham Award?
Through a lengthy and torturous nomination/ratification process, including the testimony of at least five non-relatives as to your skill in the relevant category, your non-Jewishness, and your ability to uphold the level of excellence and the attendant responsibilities of your specific craft for four to six years after receiving the award. Or you can send $3.95 and two Proofs of Purchase from a box of Wheat Chex to Free Awards Thing, PO Box 5868, Skirmish Lake, MI (zip code withheld by request).
Are you standing on my foot?
Oh, is that your foot? Terribly sorry. Here, have a Maxwell H. Zendorkingham Award.
Why does the Maxwell H. Zendorkingham Award look exactly the same as the Peter N. Khakky Award for Ability to Make Exact Change From a Fifty?
It's not. Tommy soldered on a rosette or something. It's there. Unless it fell off.