Tuesday, April 22, 2003


My two favorite album covers right now -

Julio Iglesias, Tango:

I think somebody'd better go back and check the lyrics of "To All The Girls I've Loved Before" for evidence of implied consent.

Lara St. John, Bach - The Concerto Album:

Soon to be seen in the first issue of Maxim's new classical magazine, G-String, where she'll discuss the joys of a good triad, whether or not she's had her chords augmented, and demonstrates that, though famed for her violin playing and fond of ensemble work, she sometimes can't help but perform a cappella. (Excuse the dim innuendo.)

Friday, April 18, 2003

A friend from one of my many top-secret, highly-classified, invitation-only message boards that you are not even allowed to think about thinking about kindly forwarded me this, without question the greatest thing ever seen in the entire history of the Internet. Or at least the greatest thing that you know of. Heh.

Tuesday, April 15, 2003


The following CD was recieved at my place of employment several days ago, or at least I'm saying it was for the purposes of this mildly amusing riff:

Please note: This CD has been individually watermarked with a unique identification number embedded in the music. This number is traceable directly to the authorized recipient, which allows us to identify the source of any unauthorized copies or other reproductions of the music contained on this CD. The watermark is not changed or destroyed by extracting clips of the music, or by using any compression technology such as MP3. The sound quality of the audio playback is not affected. This CD is intended to be listened to solely by the intended recipient and no portion of its contents may be copied or reproduced in any manner, nor made available in any manner to any third party (whether by means of streaming, so-called "peer to peer" networks or mentioning to anyone that you've heard it). This CD contains an exclusive, personalized code that allows the authorized recipient to open a Web page with streaming, encoded audio and uncopyable MPEGs of rock critics and record store owners undergoing extreme and horrific forms of torture. Nobody can prove that this has anything to do with the fact that each of the now-maimed and/or deceased individuals in question left an advance copy of the new Fleetwood Mac album out where people could see it, but wouldn't you rather err on the side of caution? Unauthorized use of this CD is illegal and will also upset our executives greatly. Have you ever seen Ahmet Ertegun cry? We have. You don't want to. This CD may be played only once, after which it must be destroyed in the presence of (choose two:) a representative from the record industry, an Episcopalian minister, a thrice-decorated Marine sargeant, and/or folksy humorist/radio personality Garrison Keillor. After listening, please call the toll-free phone number embedded on the "play side" of this CD and one of our specially-trained experts will be at your house or place of employment within ninety minutes to perform a round of our patented Hypno-Shock therapy to erase any memory of having heard this CD and to induce vomiting every time it's mentioned for a period of up to six weeks. If the intended recipient knows anybody in the movie industry, we just thought of a cool pitch: a story about college students who download the latest installment of a popular fantasy trilogy several months before its theatrical release, and they all wind up dead seven days later at the hands of the shadowy New Line Cinema promotions department. We call it The Lord of the Ring. You are hereby ordered to chuckle appreciatively at that. Whistling or humming any portion of the music contained in this CD is unlawful and will result in a lengthy prison sentence, just because it annoys the piss out of us when people do that. This CD is enhanced with a variety of multimedia files and should not be played on a computer. This CD should not be played on a Walkman or a portable stereo or inside a Jeep. In fact, it's probably best not to play it at all. Back away slowly with your hands in full view of the CD. Thank you in advance for your understanding...Enjoy!

Wednesday, April 09, 2003

Good lord, how this thing glowers menacingly at me. Oh, well, toss another old, bent penny into the well:


Thin mouth turned up in a humorless smile, hooded, squinty eyes that never seem to look straight at anything - he had the look of a skeptic or a lech permanently implanted on his face, which had its uses; it always took him a little longer to make friends, but nobody ever handed him flyers or religious tracts at the train station, the homeless never shook him down for a quarter, and even potential muggers opted not to get involved (nobody likes their workday needlessly complicated, no matter what the job).

(I'm not sure at this point, but I think this might have been intended as something of a self-portrait.)

* * * *


The Obliterati
The East Side Pedants
J.D.s with Ph.Ds
The Radical Deconstructionists
The Mangling Participles
The Hardcore Curriculum
A La Recherche du Stomps Perdu
Semioticians With Semiautomatics
Ce n'est pas une troupe de rue

Friday, April 04, 2003

I've been consciously depriving myself of blogification this past week, opting instead to spend most of my spare time trying to finish a movie review that I assumed (when the picture came out, oh, nine months ago) would be an absolute cakewalk, but is proving not to be the case, but, if you're interested, here's the last 25 adds to the Radium Crass playlist:

1. The Feelies - "Slipping (Into Something)"
2. That Petrol Emotion - "Can't Stop"
3. 8-Eyed Spy - "Run Through the Jungle"
4. Archie Shepp - "Naima"
5. Can - "Turtles Have Short Legs"
6. Swell Maps - "Blenheim Shots"
7. Barbara Manning - "Smoking Her Wings"
8. Clearlake - "Wonder if the Snow Will Settle"
9. Sonic Youth - "Electric Noisefield"
10. The Gerogerigegege - "Gape"
11. The Gerogerigegege - "Geek"
12. The Gerogerigegege - "Genderfuck"
13. The Gerogerigegege - "Gigi"
14. The Gerogerigegege - "Gum It"
15. Ut - "Evangelist"
16. The Fall - "Contraflow"
17. Radio Birdman - "New Race"
18. Momus - "The Minus 5"
19. Mull Historical Society - "This Is Not Who We Were"
20. The Fall - "Couldn't Get Ahead"
21. Swervedriver - "Up From the Sea"
22. No - "Pop Culture Death Camp"
23. Mark E. Smith - "The CD In Your Hand"
24. Julian Cope - "The Bloody Assizes"
25. Gang Of Four - "Why Theory?"

And if anybody out there wants an MP3 of "Pop Culture Death Camp," here 'tis.

More soon, hopefully...