SECOND-HAND TWEETS #1: TRUE FACTS ABOUT CANADA

Never one to let a good gag go to waste, much less a dozen or so mediocre ones, I am herewith re-posting the #truecanadafacts I composed on Twitter this afternoon (in honor of Canada Day), interspersed with a couple of old gags on the subject from an article I wrote a long time ago. And later, I'm going to use them as inter-set filler on my radio show! So they're disposable and recyclable! If they were only funny, it'd be perfect!

• Canadian interrogators have been suspected of subjecting enemy combatants to the horrors of snowboarding.



• Recently released census data confirms that Canadians are the nationality most likely to use the expression "oh, geez."



• Canadian pornography is widely recognized as the most apologetic in the Northern Hemisphere.



• Toronto's CN Tower is the third-largest man-made structure in the world no one gives a shit about.



• Despite its name, "Canadian bacon" is actually a mineral.



• Canada has been available in color since 1971.



• Though popularly known as "Prime Minister," the official title of Canada's govermental leader is "Mr. Dressup."



• Chief exports: paper, rebar, mild embarrassment, resignation, Loverboy.



• The province of Alberta mysteriously disappeared in 1987, though no one noticed until this past March.



• Canada has more "Gordon"s per capita than any country in the industrialized world.



• To confuse and bewilder interlopers, many "Canadians" have been known to lapse without warning into a bizarre and incomprehensible patois known in some circles as "French."



• The official facial expression of Canada is the bemused smirk.



• Effective January 1, 2012, the Canadian national anthem will revert from "O Canada" to "something by April Wine."



• Their inhabitants emit a noxious liquid when threatened (Winnipeg only).



• Even they don't understand curling.