tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50334952012-02-12T10:56:05.311-08:00Logonorrhea!!!Your one-stop shop for sporadic dribbles of watered-down insight, cringe-worthy factual inaccuracies, fooferaw, jibber-jabber, and inoperative statements packed in a salty preservative brine of defensive egotism and paralyzing self-deprecation. No fatties.Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.comBlogger1371100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-14141131831449678702012-01-08T08:31:00.000-08:002012-01-08T08:31:01.524-08:00FUNNY 'CAUSE IT'S TRUE (EXCEPT FOR THE PART ABOUT IT BEING TRUE. OR FUNNY):
As the philosopher once said, "Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give that same man free audio-editing software and a Soundcloud account and he'll spend hours excerpting some of his lame-ass radio comedy, leaving you alone to eat your fish in peace." From the December 14, 2011 edition of Wow & Flutter, I give you "Tips For Broadcasters #912: Updated Guidelines."
Tips forWilliamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-24654947625038659712012-01-08T02:08:00.000-08:002012-01-08T02:27:42.483-08:00THIS PROBABLY WON'T MEAN SHIT TO CHUCK D. EITHER:
Today marks the 77th anniversary of the birth of one of our greatest cultural referents, pop-cultural icons, and the man who single-handedly rescued the sequin industry, Elvis Aaron Presley. And, I'm sure you would agree, the only way to properly honor the memory of this titan of American music would be to let one of the lesser members of his entourage run his mouth off for a few Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-8290685536060657392011-12-20T09:22:00.000-08:002011-12-20T10:10:58.739-08:00MY LATEST, INEXPLICABLY REJECTED ENTRIES IN THE NEW YORKER'S CARTOON CAPTION CONTEST:
"This is racist, somehow. Don't you think? I really think this whole situation is kind of racist. And I think he's supposed to look like the President, which is really offending me on his behalf."
"This is certainly quite the incongruous scenario."
"I just know we're going to end up stuck to some asshole's refrigerator."
"I think you got the wrong kind of bar. 'Cause Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-21678858056446246802011-12-08T19:41:00.000-08:002011-12-18T02:52:36.848-08:00STRAWBERRY FIELDS? WHATEVER:
Well, let's see, I count, ummm, half-a-dozen unfinished blog posts since we last spoke; as per usual, when I try to write, I either find myself with too little or way too much to say about a subject. And since, of course, I choose the subjects I blog about, it's the latter option that maintains more often than not, and I wind up feverishly composing two or three long, clotted, Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-36003526433962996172011-11-20T03:28:00.001-08:002011-11-21T23:18:18.275-08:00AND, AS IF TO COUNTERBALANCE THE PREVIOUS POST SOMEWHAT...
...here's a little something that's far cozier but almost unbearably poignant.
Chronic insomnia has its benefits: I clearly remember happily stumbling across this unscheduled gem, live, back in early 1994 on one of my desperate, sleepless expeditions through the brown grass and low scrub of the late-late-night basic-cable veldt. Comedy is chockablock with inveterate misanthropes, malcontentsWilliamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-21780480117977920352011-11-20T02:56:00.001-08:002011-11-21T23:22:40.156-08:00TODAY'S PIECE OF SUSTAINED AWKWARDNESS (THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY WRITING FOR ONCE):
Get two certified comic legends - hell, I'll say it, geniuses - at the height of their respective powers in the same place at the same time, and you're sure to get absolute, unequivocal comedy gold, right? Right? ...
...right?
(To be fair, what ensues in the following clip is not entirely their fault. According to the book Lost by a Whisker: An Oral History of Facial Hair Mishaps on Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-55354341486925826212011-11-16T06:24:00.001-08:002011-11-16T10:16:22.605-08:00MEDIUM POPCORN, EXTRA BUTTER, A BOX OF RAISINETS AND A LARGE MOX-NIX JUICE, STRAIGHT UP:
There's been a lot of talk about film-crit legend Pauline Kael of late - the Library of America recently published a typically pricey compendium of her work, The Age of Movies: Selected Writings of Pauline Kael, Brian Kellow followed a few days later with a biography, Pauline Kael: A Life in the Dark, and reminiscences of Kael figure heavily in James Wolcott's new memoir, Lucking Out - and Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-79281348646891166392011-11-15T18:09:00.001-08:002011-11-16T04:02:37.581-08:00TRILITERATURE EXERCISE #1: THE EDGY CUTTER
The first in a series of writing exercises, so easy you can do it too and so crazy it just might work - all you need to do is take a book, any book, randomly choose three words from any place in the text, and write something quickly using those words as your guideline. Kind of a cross between improvisation, automatic writing, and just plain fucking around. The following was completed in Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-43064396639672470142011-11-06T04:54:00.000-08:002011-11-21T23:23:34.789-08:00WHEN SUFFERING ANOTHER NIGHT'S INSOMNIA...
...what better than to watch a movie about a guy who looks like he hasn't slept in ten years? One of the most obscure titles in the Martin Scorsese filmography, American Boy: A Profile of Steven Prince (1978) was probably just a quick cine-fix for the director in the middle of his manic post-Taxi Driver/pre-Raging Bull period, but, like pretty much every one of his documentaries, it's highly Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-8888117161984552652011-11-05T04:05:00.000-07:002011-11-05T04:07:06.254-07:00DEDICATED TO THOSE FOR WHOM "GONZO" IS ONE OF THE GREATEST OF ALL MUPPETS AND NOTHING MORE:
I'll say this for the greedheads on Wall Street and the corporate puppet-masters who run the country - if not for them, I wouldn't be back on newsprint for the first time in a long time. Behold, my cover story from the latest issue of Hipfish, Astoria, OR's premiere alternative monthly, "Notes on an Occupation (or 'The Armies of the Damp')." Tolerate!Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-3922110108545513502011-11-01T07:57:00.000-07:002011-11-21T23:25:20.460-08:00I DON'T KNOW WHY THE HELL I'M SUBMITTING MYSELF TO THIS AGAIN...
...especially since I've actually got assignments, paid assignments at that, with looming deadlines and all the rest of it I should be concentrating on. But, as I say elsewhere, the only way to accomplish anything is to try and make myself do anything-plus-one. I'll never clear the bar, so I'll just set it prohibitively high and I'll get more vertical than I would otherwise. Blah blah Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-3531808295488940412011-10-25T00:38:00.000-07:002011-10-25T21:19:03.048-07:00EXCERPTS FROM "EXCERPTS FROM THE INSTRUCTION MANUAL FOR THE ATTEMPTED-SUICIDE MACHINE" (SOON TO BE SELF-UNPUBLISHED):
IV.
prescription medicine did me no good. nor did meditation. not religion nor drinking nor casual sex nor narcotics nor primal screaming nor plaintive moaning nor the i ching nor atlas shrugged nor valley of the dolls nor home footbinding nor hitting inanimate objects with a hammer nor taxidermy via freeze-drying nor ambient karaoke sessions nor committing suicide by proxy by hiring a Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-24924583163937331172011-10-24T10:45:00.000-07:002011-11-21T23:25:55.863-08:00"BRUCE LEE WAS TO MARTIAL ARTS WHAT RIN-TIN-TIN WAS TO GERMAN SHEPHERDS" - WORDS AS TRUE TODAY AS THEY WERE 36 YEARS AGO....Still stonecutting the Holy Flying Circus post (as if you give a flying, um, circus). Interestingly, there seems to be a lot of Python in the air this week. The people of Tunisia, no doubt inspired by memories of the Life of Brian shoot on its soil (do they have soil there? I'm sure Ben Ali had a jar or two), have voted on a new Constitution - and I could hardly call that a coincidence. (Hey, Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-11561903374527617202011-10-23T12:22:00.000-07:002011-11-21T23:26:56.951-08:00JEWISH MARTYR WEEK CONTINUES!
All this talk about comedy bio-pics the other day sent me on a spur-of-the-moment search for the following, one of the very few movies about or featuring Lenny Bruce that isn't haphazardly slung together, tawdry, or just plain depressing. Honest about his personal troubles without descending into Albert Goldman lip-smacking, appreciative of his innovations without shrieking "GENIUS!" in your Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-3319389128787907822011-10-20T10:43:00.000-07:002011-11-21T23:28:20.377-08:00THE MOST IMPORTANT THING THAT'S HAPPENED TODAY (I ALSO HEARD SOME GUY IN LIBYA DIED):
So Holy Flying Circus has turned up, I've watched it, and, until some well-mannered and somewhat apologetic BBC watchdog slaps the uploader with a cease-and-desist-if-it-doesn't-inconvenience-you-sir-and-I-do-apologize-for-the-slap order, you can too:
Holy Flying Circus from eLzO on Vimeo.
And, at last the 1979 show that inspired it:
As for Holy Flying Circus, I can report with some Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com2Unknown location.47.517200697839414 -125.1562528.249211197839415 -165.5859375 66.78519019783941 -84.7265625tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-49509677066842559892011-10-19T21:05:00.000-07:002011-11-21T23:28:47.956-08:00LACK-OF-TRUE-CONTENT QUICK!-EMBED-SOMETHING! POST-OF-THE-DAY:Insufferable comedy nerd that I am, I can't help but be somewhat curious about Holy Flying Circus, a film broadcast last night on BBC4 that concerns itself with the furor that arose around the release of Monty Python's Life of Brian 32 years ago. Curious in no small part because it's kicked up a bit of controversy-dust itself, albeit of a far more humdrum variety: the Pythons themselves don't Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-73551734411976619992011-10-18T12:14:00.000-07:002011-10-18T12:37:24.385-07:00TEN HEADLINES DESIGNED TO DEPRESS MUSIC FANS OF A CERTAIN AGE STILL REELING FROM THE BREAKUPS OF R.E.M. AND THURSTON AND KIM EVEN MORE:
Robyn Hitchcock: "I've Run Out of Varieties of Fish to Write Songs About"
Henry Rollins Decides to Speak Only When Spoken To, Introduces New Fragrance: "It Smells Like Testosterone and Pain"
Ian McCulloch Makes Self-Deprecating Comment
Morrissey Named Wendy's Spokesman: "A Couple of These Baconators and I Don't Feel Cranky Anymore"
Postmaster Admits Mistake, Starts Delivering Newsmagazines Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-77375009945500719892011-10-18T08:39:00.000-07:002011-10-18T08:39:57.697-07:00NEEDLESS TO SAY, I HAD THE LAST LAUGH:
Recently, a friend posted a link to this blog on his Facebook page, in an attempt, perhaps, to shame me into, y'know, doing something with it. If that was his intent, then mission accomplished - as with so many things, I've let this once-promising domicile of wretched wordplay and smirky self-promotion fall into disrepair. So I've gussied up the place a touch, as you see, and hope to furnish Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-50882440167615111992011-02-14T09:37:00.000-08:002011-02-14T09:54:36.109-08:00SELF-PROMOTION AHOY!If'n you didn't already know, I wrote and performed a second evening of humorous-simulating monologues and readings, THE DAY THE MIRTH STOOD STILL: ANOTHER EVENING NEAR WILLIAM HAM, this past month and managed to get the whole damned thing up on the YouTubes. Here is one of the best bits from the show - ...and if you liked that, you can viddy the remaining 13 parts hyar.And as part of my Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-31656441608587038872011-01-03T20:54:00.000-08:002011-01-05T20:00:48.990-08:00TONIGHT'S TV LISTINGS:7:00 PM – (EEE!) Excess Hollywood. Tonight: Miley Cyrus’ Coke-and-aspirin binge, behind the scenes at Glee’s special Caligula episode, and Tinseltown’s wackiest vajazzle mishaps.(BROMO) Hoard’oeuvres. Featured: a broom closet full of canapes, an enormous crock of what we hope is tapenade, and a pile of crackers as big as the Ritz.(VH3.14159265) Behind and Slightly to the Left of the Music: Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-9278652135886098292010-10-18T12:45:00.000-07:002010-10-18T13:24:27.285-07:00IF THE THEATER ISN'T DEAD, THEN THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR THE SMELL:This past Saturday, I fulfilled a long-dormant dream by treading the boards with nothing but my words and my dented and ding'd personality to protect me in the form of a one-man show, completely self-penned and self-performed, entitled AN EVENING NEAR WILLIAM HAM, and I am deeply thrilled and surprised to report that it was a resounding success; the performance space whence it was mounted was Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-33347601968201077342010-09-28T10:33:00.000-07:002010-10-18T13:58:08.479-07:00MAMET AND COSTELLO:After a year of false starts, disappointments and chair-kicking, I am pleased to report that my creative renaissance is, at long last, proceeding apace. Much of it has to do with my co-founding (in a manner of speaking - more like standing there smiling while others do the heavy lifting) a new performance space in Astoria, OR, Pier Pressure Productions (it's a pun, y'all). It's an intimate (Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-64393558239458468602010-02-22T14:44:00.000-08:002010-02-22T15:27:29.626-08:00HACKWERK:I have several exciting projects I am currently engaged in active procrastination regarding, which I hope to expose to the light of day in the near future. Until then, allow me to hep yez to some of the odd bits of myself that have achieved exposure in recent months.The latest in Patrick McGilligan's series of interviews with screenwriters, Backstory 5, includes my 1999 interview with a certain Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-28651713037237060862009-11-01T18:40:00.000-08:002009-11-01T18:50:10.014-08:00HEY! I'M WRITING HERE!:Not writing as much as I would like, but then that's always been the case. First, I've started contributing reviews and such to Dagger magazine - my first few can be found here - they're the ones what has my name at the end of them.Also, I'm working out my atrophied creative muscles by enlisting in this year's National Novel Writing Month - not so much a competition as a dance marathon with Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-20201625497874500712009-07-27T10:12:00.000-07:002009-07-27T10:27:33.035-07:00SECOND-HAND TWEETS #2: A MINI-ANTHOLOGYMore of my various contributions to sundry twitmemes or whatever the hell they're called...#dregsofcriterion:"Two or Three Things I Left At Her House" "The Ringtones of Madame de..." "Le Shower D'Or" "Wise Phlegm" "The Man Who Fell Over in His Driveway" "Last Year at Marion Barry's" #existentialjokes:A: Knock knock. B: Who's there? A: (silence) B: All is lost. A priest, a cowgirl and a penguin Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-19364809409197254112009-07-01T18:56:00.001-07:002009-07-01T19:18:55.823-07:00SECOND-HAND TWEETS #1: TRUE FACTS ABOUT CANADANever one to let a good gag go to waste, much less a dozen or so mediocre ones, I am herewith re-posting the #truecanadafacts I composed on Twitter this afternoon (in honor of Canada Day), interspersed with a couple of old gags on the subject from an article I wrote a long time ago. And later, I'm going to use them as inter-set filler on my radio show! So they're disposable and recyclable! IfWilliamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-86617249075529610112009-06-28T20:54:00.000-07:002009-06-29T17:17:51.460-07:00GEOCITIES IN DUST (AND NOT A WORD ABOUT MICHAEL JACKSON, EITHER):Back in 2003, I was rather an angry fellow. My personal life had unceremoniously cratered, I was deeply frustrated about the cul-de-sac my creative efforts had wound up in, and I probably had a couple of really painful zits on my back that kept rubbing up against my shirt. It was in that state that, in a fit of concentrated pique, I started (and briefly maintained) a blog whose sole purpose andWilliamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-45752359800192372382009-06-22T15:28:00.000-07:002009-06-22T18:04:45.492-07:00FLUFF FOR NUTTERS:A couple of links and an embed or two while I crack my knuckles and attempt to resume regular narrowcasting:Jonathan Franzen reads and discusses two classic "casuals" from the New Yorker archives, "Love Trouble is My Business" by Veronica Geng and "Coyote v. Acme" by Ian Frazier here, a podcast that makes me feel anew as if my limp efforts in their respective directions are like trying to read Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-70126049149947681642009-06-15T14:28:00.000-07:002009-06-15T14:45:57.553-07:00DEAD AIR:The silly brilliance (silliance, if you will) of Peter Serafinowicz and Robert Popper never fails to tickle me in those hard-to-reach places. Look Around You ranks with the first series of I'm Alan Partridge and the whole of The Day Today as one of the landmarks of recent British comedy - their combination of the meticulous and the ridiculous vaults them into the top rank of parodists (and I Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-62883070557803922282009-06-14T16:34:00.000-07:002009-06-14T23:30:35.666-07:00TONIGHT ON PUBLIC DOMAIN MOVIE CLASSICS:7:30 PM - Hell is for Texans and Certain Oklahomans (1937). Ill-fated attempt to make a star out of Rex Knipper, "the Singeing Cowboy." Knipper plays George "Wild Bill" Hochfliesch, a Sheriff enlisted to clean up the lawless town of Cordwood. Keeping a promise he made to his wife on her father's deathbed, he vows to do the job without killing anybody. Instead, he shoots with undeadly accuracyWilliamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-11912559284973647902009-06-05T08:52:00.000-07:002009-06-05T08:59:19.199-07:00MEGA-TWEET #1:(first in a series of musings too bloated for Twitter but not substantive enough for a paragraph)The template for every biography I've read over the last few years: troubled youth/flash of genius/success/excess/alienation/alcoholism/bloating/attempted cleanup-slash-renaissance/relapse/lonely, pathetic death. Either I need to switch genres or find a better class of role models.Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1663965488946134612009-04-22T08:23:00.000-07:002009-04-22T08:31:05.492-07:00INSOMNIA, INTERNET ACCESS AND ANTI-SOCIAL TENDENCIES MAKE AN INTERESTING COMBINATION:My first works using the new, text-to-movie website xtranormal.com:Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-23335193263122511622009-02-22T00:02:00.000-08:002009-02-22T00:43:21.282-08:0033 1/3 WON'T DO:In an attempt to defibrillate this blog back to life and open myself up to the kind of public humiliation that is the hallmark of any failed writer, I herewith present my rejected proposal for Continuum Books' 33 1/3 series of books on notable rock elpees (or ceedees or empeethrees or whatever you want to call them these days). All two fans of my writing will note the projected contributions of Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-5535689873351498512008-06-23T12:41:00.000-07:002008-06-23T17:37:11.129-07:00BYE, GEORGE...George Carlin was one of the formative influences of my youth, largely because, as with most formative influences, he happened to be there at the time. My father, the guy I get my sense of humor from (so blame him), had a pretty decent collection of comedy LPs back in the seventies. One of my earliest memories, in fact, is of standing frozen with horror in the bathtub listening to Tony Hendra'sWilliamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-62667776367690600502008-05-31T11:44:00.000-07:002008-05-31T16:46:51.825-07:00PIT-TAY PAR-TAYY!!!:Oh, lordy, am I depressed. I'm stuck in this go-nowhere, do-nothing area (geographical and otherwise) for the forseeable future with little money and precious few prospects of getting out of this miserable job I have that's causing me constant lower back pain along with the pre-existing agita. I'm creeping ever-closer to forty, my longtime deadline for making something of myself (should I add aWilliamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-64320723975515751672008-05-19T12:51:00.000-07:002008-05-19T13:59:24.354-07:00"You can do euthanasia on a dog, but this old woman? I'd be sent to prison. Where's the justice in that?":A great find here: the original pilot for Chris Morris' brilliant British satire series Brass Eye (here called Torque TV), containing about five minutes of material that never made it to the first broadcast episode, "Animals." And hey, if you like that, why not try another twisted brainwrong from this one-off man mental, epsiode one of the peerless news parody The Day Today (also featuring the Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-74159086711740716672008-04-28T16:22:00.000-07:002008-04-28T16:34:15.340-07:00Driven by the desire to be as trendy as possible, I've uploaded a set of tunes to Muxtape.com. (Originally, it was going to be a collection of my homemade mash-'em-ups and primitive comedy bits, but for some reason, they'd only allow me to upload one.) Like the world really cares, right? As if anybody's even checking this fucking never-was's fucking fucking blog to see if he's Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-48279297271461970262008-01-17T01:06:00.000-08:002008-01-17T01:14:25.963-08:00WHAT'S ON TV RIGHT NOW:(The following is the text for the "bit" [a little radio jargon there; consult your dictionary] I "performed" on this past evening's Wow & Flutter program. Probably more humorous spoken than read, and the very last entry was a desperation move in search of an ending written approximately thirty seconds before I went to air with it, but it's content, and that's what matters.)In the interests of Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-56951800116204414392008-01-10T19:05:00.000-08:002008-01-10T19:07:44.251-08:00HEY, CHECK IT OUT...As I continue my slow, gout-ridden-snail-like journey towards regaining my writerly mojo and having something to show for it, I found a whole list of bad (and rather outdated) song/book/movie/ movie-based-on-book-adapted-from-song titles to share with the (lower) class. Endure.Don't Let Your Son Go Down On Me I Saw Mommy Gassing Santa Claus North Pole Terminus: The Santa Klaus Barbie Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-49614544705785265892008-01-10T18:50:00.001-08:002008-01-10T18:58:02.088-08:00BLACK ARMBAND TIME...Dave Day of the Monks has died. Damn. An on-air tribute will be in order next week. And perhaps we will have the answer to the question, "Does the bald spot from a tonsure grow back after death?" Through your tears, dig:Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-4278289974258240342007-10-28T16:45:00.000-07:002007-10-28T17:01:30.159-07:00ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, HERE'S SOMETHING AT LEAST:RADIO PSA (:60)FADE UP on easy-listening instrumental, voices overlaid.VOICE #1: I like softcore.VOICE #2: I won Robert Conrad's autograph on eBay.VOICE #3: I've seen Krull seven times.VOICE #4: I lasted almost eight minutes once.VOICE #5: A girl smiled at me on the commuter rail one morning.VOICE #6: I've had a letter published in Maxim.VOICE #7: Most dogs seem to like me.MARTIN SHEEN:* They'reWilliamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-89520294206456111422007-10-28T16:21:00.000-07:002007-10-28T16:31:34.896-07:00OKAY, THEN...Trying to get back into the habit of posting on my blog(s) here - chipping away at my debilitating writer's block bit by excruciating bit. (I am once again shamed/pleased to note the arrival of the latest issue of The High Hat, which, once again, I had less than nothing to do with, though the editorial board has kindly allowed my name to remain on the masthead for the nonce. I'm actually tryingWilliamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-16049306921612635522007-07-23T12:40:00.000-07:002007-07-23T12:44:06.908-07:00CAN - YOU DIG IT?:Awright, if I can't quite bring myself to type a few coherent sentences to re-establish this long-dormant blog, I can at least start back up by more currently-popular means: embedding YouTube videos to make up for lack of anything to actually, y'know, say. Starting here.Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-62218630246232901832007-04-12T08:25:00.000-07:002007-04-12T08:33:35.902-07:00REBOOT (TO THE GROIN, MAYHAP):All right, goddammit, I've let this blog (and virtually everything, writing-wise) lay dormant and frustrated for a good eighteen months now, months that have been noteworthy for internal and external vacillations best typified as an emotional roller-coaster inside a psychological Tilt-a-Whirl overlooking a physiological, um, guy who guesses your weight or something. Anyway, enough of that. I'm Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1125813107213630922005-09-03T22:24:00.000-07:002005-10-22T13:00:15.416-07:00HIPLY TRANGRESSIVE NOVEL OF THE MONTH* CLUB UPCOMING SELECTIONS:BELCH, by Trip AlbacoreHenry (he has no last name - or does he?), a faceless corporate drone for a company of unspecified purpose in a city known simply as City, suffers from malaise of indeterminate origin. All he knows is that his ankles hurt, he feels like he just swallowed an enormous raisin and he can't whistle anymore. One day, while waiting for a bus (what number bus? Wouldn't you like to Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1119635214563241572005-06-24T10:28:00.000-07:002005-06-27T22:24:48.150-07:00THE MOVIE QUOTES THAT DIDN'T QUITE MAKE THE AFI LIST:101. "Why is it your scabs always smell like pie?" - The Geldlings of Thorndike Terrace, 1946102. "You're not a real apostle, Walter, and that probably isn't Jesus' neckerchief." - Golgolthan Puke Party, 1974103. "AAAA-OOOO-GAHH! (eighteen-second belch)" - The Life and Times of Madame Curie, 1957104. "Placenta! Placenta everywhere!" - Dolts of the West, 1977105. "Do it! Mispronounce 'Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1112029916978628712005-03-28T08:14:00.000-08:002005-06-05T09:44:21.263-07:00Has it really been over a month and a half since my last post? Has nobody really noticed nor cared? Hey, 's life. I'm sure that one of my attempts to rejuice my creative energy will work one of these days (failed: pseudoephedrine chloride and gingko biloba cocktails, 70s-vintage CIA testicular-jumper-cable interrogation kits, primal yawn therapy with Arthur Janov's slacker grandson; yet to be Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1107559991320072692005-02-04T15:19:00.000-08:002005-02-04T16:23:21.840-08:00PUBLIC SELF-CANNIBALISM IS A GOOD IDEA:Rumor has it that peoplesforum.com is soon to be no more, which means that the following, out-of-context posts from said message board would likely be forever lost in the cybermists without this act of loving rescue and restoration. Again, don't worry if they make little-to-no sense. Instead, think of them as free-form prose poetry fit for declaiming sotto voce at your next troglodytic hipster Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1106963298852902832005-01-28T17:21:00.000-08:002005-02-01T18:25:18.076-08:00WORST POSSIBLE BAND NAMES (1):From the "I Spit on Your Groove" folder at Peoplesforum.com, inspired by the lists compiled on the blogs of my betters. (For some reason, I can't make links work in my posts today, so just check to your left for "Ludic Log," "From Here to Obscurity" and "The Vitamin B Glandular Show" and poke around.) If some of these don't make sense, well, a) you hadda be there, and b) I was there and I don't Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1101869909780799702005-01-20T15:59:00.000-08:002005-01-21T15:15:37.960-08:00VAPID EYE MOVEMENT:What with nothin' going on but the rent garments (and wrung hands and gnashed teeth and...) in my waking life, I am now forced to dredge my subconscious to provide what fleeting interest this online diary of a maddening man may have. Hence, for all you somnulence fans out there, a synopsis of last night's dream:
I find myself in the middle of a large crowd in the lobby of a movie theater (all Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1101609335690838822004-11-27T18:32:00.000-08:002004-11-27T18:37:11.766-08:00OBSCURE JAZZ NICKNAMES OF THE '40s & '50s:The Velvet Tackhammer
Ol' Chumthroat
The Anthropomorphic Knish
Lady Eunuch
Janitor-with-a-Drum
The Special Prosecutor of Love
The Malfunctioning Baler
Kid Vitiligo
The Stammering Inuit
Not Available in Michigan
Hubris Personified
Hank
Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1100216118931362522004-11-11T15:33:00.000-08:002004-11-11T15:38:46.030-08:00ON OTHER BLOGS TODAY (3):(content guaranteed 100% not-made-up-by-me)
I solemnly make a promise to you.If i ever happen to be catching multiple homes on fire in the beverly hills area and have enough gasoline left over as im walking to home depot to attempt to shoplift a ceiling fan,ill be reminded by the piercing fucking ring tone playing American Idiot from an a list celebrity and i will simply offer ashlee simpson forWilliamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1099674264586263042004-11-05T08:59:00.000-08:002004-11-05T09:04:24.586-08:00UNTIL I CAN GET IT TOGETHER TO WAX (OR WANE) ELOQUENT ON THE SUBJECT, THIS WILL HAVE TO DO:Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1099412333538123632004-11-02T08:12:00.000-08:002004-11-02T08:18:53.540-08:00Okay, people, you know what today is and you know what to do. I've already sent in my absentee ballot, and, of course, this blog officially endorses James Harris and Margaret Trowe of the Socialist Workers Party*. We're going all the way to .0000000001% of the vote this year, comrades!
* Not to be confused with Bill van Auken and Jim Lawrence of the fucking Socialist Equality Party. Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1098989386560227512004-10-28T11:48:00.000-07:002004-10-28T16:20:25.133-07:00ON OTHER BLOGS TODAY (2):(content guaranteed 100% real)
people of this world dont u hate it wen plp write all over ur pictures and they make funny signs and weird signs u dont undrstand which makes u more confussed then u dont know why they are doing it and u tell them 2 stop but they dont, and u dont know why eni one would deface ur own drawings like that and then u wonder why u Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1098980528474642912004-10-27T18:02:00.000-07:002004-10-28T09:22:08.473-07:00THE CURSE OF THE WHAMBINO:I just realized something.
The Boston Red Sox last made it to the World Series in 1986.
I moved to Massachusetts in the summer of 1987.
I fled Massachusetts for the West Coast six weeks ago.
To Red Sox fans everywhere, therefore:
You're welcome.
(I promise to stay out of the Commonwealth at least until after the election.)Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1098898436551048852004-10-27T07:30:00.000-07:002004-10-27T10:34:27.020-07:00ON OTHER BLOGS TODAY:(content guaranteed 100% real)
todae less0ns quitee short bahh ?
yahh . coshh g0t fire drill .
who0pie . sho fun de okie .
i was with liJian at the front gate dere .
then we were supp0sed to erm .
prevent any parents or reporters
into the sch0ol . uh huh `
then got this set of parents lahh
pretend to have children injured .
then tried to barge in okie .
wahh . me liJian felt the weight of them .Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1098899918315784422004-10-26T10:57:00.000-07:002004-10-27T19:28:02.016-07:00Sad news: John Peel is dead. Stream BBC radio's tribute here and download his favorite song of all time here (October 26 entry) (and bookmark the page while you're at it). No moment of silence, please - a minute of Extreme Noise Terror would be more appropriate, which averages out to about five songs.
Good news: My book is out! (Well, mine and about seventy-five other people.) It's supposed to Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1098899816627470612004-10-25T10:56:00.000-07:002004-10-28T12:03:45.880-07:00OTHER MUSICAL GUEST MISHAPS IN "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" HISTORY:November 20, 1976 - Paul Simon catches a glimpse of his bald spot on a studio monitor and abruptly aborts "Still Crazy After All These Years," going on a violent rampage with his acoustic guitar and a sharpened tuning fork, mortally wounding two stagehands and severely impairing Chevy Chase's ability to make people laugh. Livid, producer Lorne Michaels punishes Simon by banning him from Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1098121168408757012004-10-18T07:15:00.000-07:002004-10-18T11:40:41.636-07:00The past couple years have been quite astounding, never-thought-I'd-see-the-day times for the music geek. Mission of Burma reforms. Brian Wilson finishes Smile. The return of Slint. But this, my friends, takes the cake, the frosting and the stand it's sitting on. The über-indie Loch Ness Monster has apparently been sighted, in Scotland, and there's even photographic evidence.
I give you...
Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1095702560851077162004-09-18T10:47:00.000-07:002004-09-29T13:05:01.906-07:00Reportedly, the 0.74 regular readers of this blog have evinced something akin to concern (though mild, fleeting curiosity has reputedly renounced its kinship after that ugly Easter dinner two years ago) as to be whereabouts and attendant well-being over the past several months. (For further reading, please refer to "whuts w/ u, man? :(" from The Collected Instant Messages of William Ham, Vol. I, Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1093962741981711132004-08-31T07:31:00.000-07:002004-08-31T07:32:21.980-07:00Mistah Crass, he dead.
Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1092847133779083382004-08-18T09:37:00.000-07:002004-08-18T09:38:53.780-07:00Looks like, in my efforts to reclaim the blog name on the top of the page by changing my template, I have succeeded in destroying all my links and erased all previously-stated comments. Sorry, folks - Phil Nugent's comment from today was quite a funny one, too.
Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1092846322571658762004-08-18T09:07:00.000-07:002004-08-18T09:25:22.573-07:00Well, hey, in lieu of compelling new content, howzabout a bittersweet outlay of evidence in re: how prolific I used to be? It seems that my ex-employers at Lollipop magazine were kind enough to construct a page containing links to most of the features I, my rock-crit pseudonym, my pseudonym's nonexistent 14-year-old brother, my pseudonym's pseudonym (and, in the case of the haiku reviews, my Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1092755651446540292004-08-17T07:57:00.000-07:002004-08-17T08:14:11.446-07:00Okay, I'm back, sort of. Probably not best to give too many details about the elapsed time 'twixt posts (not when prying eyes are smiling) - suffice to say, the kidney stones that attacked me a week and a half ago served as light entertainment by comparison to everything else. (When your cheeriest recent moment involves you lying supine, pharmed-out to the max on Percocet just enough to reduce Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1089043179479855392004-07-05T08:58:00.000-07:002004-07-05T09:02:01.306-07:00Exhausted. Wrung out. Depressed/despairing. Finished. Giving up. You kids enjoy yourselves.Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1088526009899158502004-06-29T09:17:00.000-07:002004-06-29T09:21:11.110-07:00I THINK I KNOW WHERE WILLIAM S. BURROUGHS' GHOST LIVES THESE DAYS (LANGUAGE IS A VIRUS, INDEED...):
Actual text of an e-mail received by me this morning:
"Bruto Assassino Sonofabeetch piece of shit" Sophia struggled wildly, to her satisfaction getting several solid kicks in and she felt that she was on the verge of breaking free but then someone else g t even their combined efforts came to Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1087912857992218752004-06-22T06:14:00.000-07:002004-06-22T07:13:32.486-07:00SHIT FROM AN OLD NOTEBOOK (3):
(Don't know when this was written, for what purpose it was intended, or indeed why I'm retyping it here. Enjoy.)
Scene: restaurant. X & Y in mid-conversation; food has just been served.
X: ...Oh, for crying out loud... Waitress! Waitress!
W: Is everything okay?
X wordlessly gestures towards plate.
W looks, shakes her head - she has no idea what he's Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1087830170211781142004-06-21T08:02:00.000-07:002004-06-21T08:04:34.906-07:00CRYPTIC UTTERANCE OF THE WEEK:
I don't think I'll be able to hear the Cocteau Twins the same way again.Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1087397132924795042004-06-16T07:34:00.001-07:002004-06-16T07:45:32.926-07:00BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR, YOU THREE:
Bad days, bad days. Block'd like I've never been block'd b'fore (as bad as it gets - ideas in mind, no ability to flesh 'em out). One 'ticular assignment, months late, hanging over my head like the shiv of Damo Cleese (John's Japanese half-brother). Grouchy, hateful, envious, jealous of those around me able to perform without breaking a sweat. Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1085331379534779062004-05-23T09:38:00.000-07:002004-05-23T10:01:44.966-07:00The good thing about the brand-new repressive media environment? John Waters stands a chance of being gloriously, deliriously offensive again. Seems that his new movie, A Dirty Shame, has been slapped with the MPAA's scarlet letters, dash and number, and God love 'im, he must be proud. I'm hoping this presages the best of all possible scenarios - a) it gets released uncut (and I think it'd be Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1084285729310854632004-05-11T07:03:00.000-07:002004-05-13T21:50:34.206-07:00CHOOSE ONE BADLY PUNFUL TITLE FOR THIS ENTRY: 1) TINNITUS I'M GONNA ROCK YOU TINNITUS; 2) NEW ADVANCES IN BURMATOLOGY; 3a) MILLER'S HIGH LIFE; 3b) THIS AIN'T MILLER LITE, BUD; 3c) MILLER'S GENUINE CR -- OW! STOP HITTING ME! OWWWWW!:
Roger Miller, Mission of Burma's guitarist/chief songwriter and bottle washer, begins a week-long online diary in Slate. Check it out.
Practically nothing else Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1084124959383204312004-05-09T10:49:00.000-07:002004-05-09T11:38:42.640-07:00NOT PARTICULARLY FUNNY, NO, BUT IT FILLS THE SPACE:
So, how's everybody gonna be spending their Nueve de Mayo? A random sampling of passers-by:
FNORD HYUCKMAN, Cutislaxa, WV - For the first consecutive year, I will be officiating at the annual Neuve de Mayo Pond Fire, where citizens from yards around come and toss their spare flaming rags into the kerosene-coated waters of Condyloma Pond and Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1082997380211633062004-04-26T09:36:00.000-07:002004-04-26T09:42:02.280-07:00Haven't done this in a while - for my own delectation and your mild irritation, here are the 50 latest adds to the Radium Crass playlist:
1. David Grubbs - "Pullover"
2. Bad Brains - "Attitude"
3. Onion Radio News - "Islamic Fundamentalists Condemn Casual Day"
4. John Fahey - "The Assassination Of Stephan Grossman"
5. The New Pornographers - "The Laws Have Changed"
6. Onion Radio Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1082558732349658872004-04-21T07:45:00.000-07:002004-04-21T10:21:16.250-07:00Ah, that's better.
First things first: you are aware, aren't you, that Series Two of The Office is out on DVD Stateside? Good. Now go buy it. And here's a chat with the Gervais himself in this week's Onion AV Club.
Now, I realize that just about every pop-cult-savvy hepstah has weighed in - repeatedly, tiringly, indefatigably, adverb-stringingly - about The Office, and I'm certainly as Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1081436752095322122004-04-08T08:05:00.000-07:002004-04-08T15:22:42.950-07:00I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT ART OR WHAT I LIKE OR WHAT THE HELL THIS IS, BUT IT'S EASIER THAN WRITING SOMETHING:
(What should we call this? "Mark E. Smith & Nicks" [with a tip of the topknot to the lovely Barbara Manning] seems obvious; what about "Sisters of the Mark E. Moon?" "Belladonn-ah?" "Stop Draggin' My Heart Around, You Maladjusted Little Monkey, You?" "Has Anyone Ever Written 'Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1080922325027799372004-04-02T08:12:00.000-08:002004-04-02T08:15:39.793-08:00The winner of the "Count-The-Number-Of-Times-The-Word-'Classic'-Appears-In-Yesterday's-Entry" contest will be announced once we get a reasonable estimate from the inexpensive accounting firm of Cutpricetapwaterhouse.Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1080866990495082152004-04-01T16:49:00.000-08:002004-04-01T17:04:13.153-08:00I've recently been informed that the whole purpose of blogs, beyond the obvious one of hanging your misfortunes, misspellings and malapropisms out for your fellow man to chortle derisively at, is to provide links to things that might conceivably be more interesting than anything you have to offer. And my legal representatives at Shyster-in-the-Box have notified me that I'm way under my quota forWilliamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1080063457823957332004-03-23T09:37:00.000-08:002004-03-30T04:47:07.670-08:00JESUS SELLS!
(FORTHCOMING SPINOFFS FROM THE HIT [and whip and scourge and torment and nail to a giant T-square] MOVIE OF THE YEAR):
Hey Judas - Distraught over his betrayal of our Lord and Savior (Jason Biggs), Judas (Donnie Wahlberg) attempts to hang himself, but is saved at the last moment by a rip in the space-time continuum (Michael Richards) that thrusts him two millennia into the Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1079638133230660252004-03-18T11:28:00.000-08:002004-03-18T11:32:08.106-08:00Y'know, in my foolishness, lack of focus, and general malaise, I do believe I neglected to hep the two or three of you who don't know already to the fact that issue #3 of The High Hat is out. My major contribution to the issue is here - it's nothing special, I don't think, especially compared with some of the stellar performances turned in by our regular caste (no need for links; just start at Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1079277656985668032004-03-14T07:20:00.000-08:002004-03-16T08:40:05.436-08:00Even the slightest bit curious as to what's playing on This Is Radium Crass this very second? No? Well, here it is anyway (to paraphrase Lorne Michaels, "Information is always acceptable in lieu of ideas")...
More actual commentary coming soon. Honest. Maybe.Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1076617956373977482004-02-12T12:32:00.000-08:002004-02-12T12:51:38.450-08:00Liner notes for my contribution to a round-robin mix-disc exchange some of my online buddies (including many of the bloggers linked at left) are participating in (track-by-track instructions included):
SOUNDTRACK TO AN IMAGINARY MOCKUMENTARY SHOT WITH A MALFUNCTIONING HAND-HELD CAMERA AND A CONDENSER MIC IN AN UNNUMBERED ROOM AT THE ZANESVILLE, OHIO BEST WESTERN (PART 2)
If you were making a Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1075992690106258302004-02-05T06:51:00.000-08:002004-02-05T07:03:01.340-08:00I'm staying away from el bloggerino 'til I've discharged some other writular obligations, but I do wanna give what the young dusky urban types call a "shout-out" to two of my personal faves, The Ludic Log and The Vitamin B Glandular Show, who are celebrating their second and first anniversaries respectively. (Come to think of it, it's been about a year since this one started, too. But, as both Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1075820669643390262004-02-03T07:04:00.000-08:002004-02-03T07:08:36.043-08:00STOPGAP TIME!!!:
...and in other news, Marlon Jackson was chastised in passing today for flashing his love handles at a JV lacrosse game.Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1072100260581021322003-12-22T05:37:00.000-08:002003-12-22T05:39:00.076-08:00Say something encouraging, somebody.Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1070981206585051392003-12-09T06:46:00.000-08:002003-12-09T06:47:51.640-08:00Somebody, somewhere, send some good vibes or something my way. Marriage is a shambles, job sucks, car's dead, I hate living here, cash to fix any of the above (bar the first, which nothing can repair) is scarce and growing scarcer... this shit ain't funny anymore. The abyss looms. Help.Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1067171318465562922003-11-09T04:28:00.000-08:002003-11-09T07:38:23.576-08:00DOWNWARD-FACING 'DOG?' (1):
Got a hold of the new Martin Amis novel, Yellow Dog. Haven't finished it yet, so I'll forestall my comments until then, but reading it did bring to mind a piece I wrote (for the presumably disinterested readership of Lollipop magazine) a few years ago. As literary parody, it's probably lacking: in fact, it's probably one of the least successful things I've ever Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1063730030101558772003-11-07T09:15:00.000-08:002003-11-09T15:54:52.530-08:00 Cripes, I've been one slack motherblogga. Almost two months without a post. Let's try'n redress the balance...
LAST MOVIE WATCHED (THEATER): Lost in Translation.
Lots of ink has been spilt in the name of Sofia Coppola's sophomore directorial effort already (of the sort that translates into just enough buzz to slide it into the local googolplex for a two-week run attended by a sparse Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1063727735432954952003-09-16T08:55:00.000-07:002003-09-16T09:33:26.950-07:00COMING SOON TO A SUBWAY PLATFORM OR THE SIDE OF A BUS NEAR YOU:
Crime is the disease. He is the prescribed course of antibiotics.
He borrowed twenty bucks last month - and now it's payback time.
You will believe a man can eat a fifteen-pound bag of meal.
Sometimes love has the strangest odor.
That isn't a hat.
He puts the "homey" in "homeopathic surgeon!"
Be perturbed. Be mildly perturbed.
See Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1063548840105420012003-09-14T07:14:00.000-07:002003-09-16T08:55:23.950-07:00it's all in lowercase, so you know it must be art:
woke up this morning with light entertainment in my eyes. warm outside, but freezing in the overground walk-in closet bunker i call home - i can see my breath, so i pantomime smoking for half an hour until i start pantomiming bronchial spasms, then i stop. stretched. arms covered in printer's ink and pulp - that tabloid duvet and samizdat Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1062772820701115692003-09-05T07:40:00.000-07:002003-09-07T11:11:32.643-07:00See? Back already. And the show-offishness must go on (I had something to post regarding an excerpt from Martin Amis' new novel, Yellow Dog, but the Guardian site has taken it down for some obscure reason, so it can wait): Sundays are the days for live-ish broadcasts on This Is Radium Crass, particularly my weekly series designed to showcase some of the not-so-old radio stuff I've gathered over Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1062766815723361732003-09-05T06:00:00.000-07:002003-09-05T06:00:15.583-07:00Is anybody still paying any attention? If so, apologies for not doing my part to clog up the pipes with insignificant minutiae for a full month. What can I say? I had a splendidly satirical mock travelogue based on my recent travels to the west coast set to go, only to return home and have my personal life cave in completely almost immediately upon touching down. Now the usual squirmy little Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1060095311159439412003-08-05T07:55:00.000-07:002003-08-05T07:55:10.976-07:00As promised... jadees and lentilmen, I give you The High Hat.
I'm just so damn prideful and honorable of this project - a great bunch of (mostly) unknown writing/drawring talents working almost reflexively at the top of their game. I'd provide you with links to the best articles, but damn it, they're all great; just start at the top and work your way down. You will not be sorry. (Okay, for Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1060009139112992082003-08-04T07:58:00.000-07:002003-08-04T07:58:58.906-07:00Why no posts in a while, you ask? Oh, you haven't been asking? You're just wondering who I am and why I'm sleeping on your lawn? Fair enough - but, other than work, family, self-flagellation and snacks, I've been putting the finishing touches (or, more accurately, standing around smoking while the real talents involved have been putting the finishing touches) on an exciting new project, the Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1059407121132372432003-07-28T08:45:00.000-07:002003-07-30T06:24:59.743-07:00WE'LL RETURN TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED BLOG AFTER THIS WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR:
"Hi, this is Bob 'Pushing Up the Daisies at Long Last' Hope inviting you to tune in to my new special, 92 Years of Laughter, 8 Years of Mostly Sitting Around and Drooling, and Several Hours and Counting of Not Being a Burden to Society Anymore! Join me and my guests Bing Crosby, George Burns, the Ritz Brothers, JerryWilliamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1058110056920154602003-07-13T08:27:00.000-07:002003-07-22T05:07:08.720-07:00RANTLET ABOUT SOMETHING NOBODY ELSE SURELY CARES ABOUT, BUT HEY, ISN'T SELF-INDULGENCE THE COIN OF THE REALM IN BLOGVILLE JUST AS MUCH AS LENGTHY, DEFENSIVE POST TITLES IS IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD THEREIN?:
Apparently, writing the header for this post has winded me. Gimme a few days' sleep and I'll get back to you.Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1057665030440730622003-07-08T04:50:00.000-07:002003-07-08T05:59:27.626-07:00SEMI-AUTOMATIC WRITING EXERCISE #1:
(One draft, no stops for smoke breaks. A few minutes with the creative speedbag to get my chops in order. Any lack of coherence and/or cohesion is therefore neatly excused for once. Cool, eh?)
Apologize? Admit culpability? No way, mister. No way. Everyone knows that whatever caused those kids to do what they did, as often as they did, to as many Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1057336894598486762003-07-04T09:41:00.000-07:002003-07-04T09:46:51.320-07:00THE FIFTY GREATEST SONGS EVER RECORDED (OR, IN SOME TIME ZONES, MERELY THE FIFTY LATEST ADDS TO THE RADIUM CRASS PLAYLIST):
1. Momus - "A Dull Documentary"
2. Fastbacks - "K Street"
3. The Ex - "Shooting-Party"
4. Cocteau Twins - "Aloysius"
5. Pernice Brothers - "Blinded by the Stars"
6. Keiji Haino and Peter Brotzmann - "Untitled 07"
7. L.A.M.F. - "Yggdrasil"
8. Onion Radio News - "Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-1056992891753946442003-06-30T10:08:00.000-07:002003-07-02T09:50:30.316-07:00THOUGHTS ON THAT ENDLESSLY OVER-BROADCAST SERIES OF COMMERCIALS FOR "THE NEW TNN":
1) All right, who the fuck slipped Stan Lee the Viagra? Let me make this perfectly clear - the only place I wanna see a stiff old man is in the drawer at the morgue. (Uh, let me rephrase that...)
2) Speaking of Stripperella, I can't quite get over the following passage about the Pamela Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5033495.post-959462822003-06-23T07:32:00.000-07:002003-06-23T07:32:58.143-07:00Has it really been over a week since I last dribbled any mental sputum on this e-blotter? With no end to the various unfinished threads I've strung out there in sight? I've been one messed-up fuckface for a long, long time, that's all I can say. (I hate all you accomplishing bastards, I do.) And worse, the only thing I've found the slightest bit interesting or enough to raise me even the Williamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15839675758537691252noreply@blogger.com0