Friday, January 28, 2005

WORST POSSIBLE BAND NAMES (1):

From the "I Spit on Your Groove" folder at Peoplesforum.com, inspired by the lists compiled on the blogs of my betters. (For some reason, I can't make links work in my posts today, so just check to your left for "Ludic Log," "From Here to Obscurity" and "The Vitamin B Glandular Show" and poke around.) If some of these don't make sense, well, a) you hadda be there, and b) I was there and I don't think I still get 'em all, either. Oh, and some of them make sense but aren't particularly - what's the word I'm looking for? - funny. Such is life.

Billy Ray Osiris
Zig Ziglar Sputnik
Scientologist Dior
Tubular Limicolae
Fecal Colorforms
The Hunan Reague
Stiff Little - Eek! Those Aren't Fingers!
Cinderella Backfat
Tao Jones and the Buddhist Junkies
Hot She-Male-on-He-Female Action
Spokesmodel for a Generation
Pat Ben-Fong-a-Tarres
United Colors of Benetar
Syndrome of a Down
Butterfly McQueens of the Stone Age
Peter, Beg Vlad
The Scarlet Pimp, Ernell
The Don't-Ask-Don't-Teletubbies
Full Metal Jacket and Matching Slacks
Def Limbaugh
The Exterminating Angler (less a band name than the perfect title for the world's first "extreme fishing" program...)
If Fatty Arbuckle Preferred Cans
Crosby, Stills, Nash, We Were Soldiers Once and Young
Sangre de Flatus
The New Christy Menstruals
Sadomassengill
Eunuchs With Tunics
Chanukah Geld
Another Bad Croatian
Thunder Choad
Some Loathsome Bread, a Juggalo's Whine, and WOW!
The Banshee Screams For Juggalo Meat
Gummo Marxists
Rand on the Bun (From the world's first Objectivist fast-food chain, A&W is A&W! Enjoy unlimited free refills from our soda fountainhead! Note: no man has the right to initiate any money/food transaction. The task of all customers is to perceive the food, not to eat it.)
Charles Atlas Shrugged (While Tightening His Muscles For That All-Important Dynamic Tension)
Genereal Disease
Temp-to-Perm Rimjob
High Colonic Youth
Near-Sighted Lemon-Scented McKinley
Thurman Manson
The North American Man-Dingo Love Association
Black Shabbos
Minnesota Fats vs. Virginia Slims
Van der Beek Generator
The Kenny Jihad
Popechute
George Ringo II
When People Like Wayne Shorter Lived Near Patty Waters
Matzoh the Hoopleh
Freudian/Gordian Slipknot
West Ham United With West Egg
Jesus Christo T.P.s Golgotha
Ratfrotteur
Fashionably Latent
Willa Catheter
The Zyklon B-52s
Arbeit Macht Fries
Boogie Chilblains
Fecalypso
Upward Motility
Kitsch 'N Sync
Chick Corea Digs Korean Chicks
333: The Semi-Christ
Mormon Nailers
Umberto Eco and the Bunnymen
Vladimir Whoopingkov
The African-American of the Narcissus
Sod Off, Shotgun
(British pro-gun control band)
Steve McQueen's Reich
Freeping at the Freeper's Ball
The Enoch Woolite Orchestra
LeAnn Rimes and Armand Schaubroeck Steals
Charlie Lower-Middle-Class (The Aluminum Fox)
Elfman and Little Boy
Eeyore Saarinen
The Atelier 5ive
In I Go, Jones
Unindicted Co-Conspiritus Mundi
The Grenadine Guards
The North American Man-Boy Trade Agreement
Port-au-San
Provided You Receive The Etching, If You Get The Picture
Bodacious Cantatas
Piss Off, Columbus
Bonfire of the Manatees

...and the following, lesser-known Beatles tribute bands:
I Wanna Hold Your Other Hand
Somewhat Less Magical Rather Lacking in Mystery Tour
Juan, Pablo, Jorge & Gringo
Happiness is a Warmed-Over Gun
While My Guitar Hacks Up Chunks of Lung
You Never Give Me Your Portion of the Door Receipts
Oh, So That's Why We Don't Do It in the Road
If I Needed Someone, Well, I Wouldn't Be Playing in This Crappy Cover Band, Now Would I?

2 comments:

Drew Katsikas said...

Hammage, we know you're still alive. If you haven't got my two emails, then here's the scoop. The Church of Rock has suffered enough damage with allegations of shittiness, which have they have been found guilty of in several situations. But now, for it to have lost one of its most celebrated priests, the doctrines are being called into question. Fr. Ham, please re-establish the assumption of noise, and the salvific mystery of rock and roll.

Drew K.

Give me back my prosthetic leg said...

"NO" is quite possibly the WORST band name ever... all members should vbe thrown into a Pop Culture Death Camp!